SIR ISAAC NEWTON PURCHASED SHARES IN THE SOUTH SEAS COMPANY WHICH TRADED IN SLAVES
I took it upon myself to write this morning to the University of Sheffield’s Physics & Whatever Department.
Unforgivable, I know, but …
Dear Physics People:
I understand, from that right-wing rag The Telegraph, that Sir Isaac Newton is going to be put in the doghouse, by the University of Sheffield, because he “may have profited from slavery.”
I have always found the law of gravity annoying.
Please abolish that too.
And those pesky three thingamabobs, so-called “laws,” involving motion.
Let’s get rid of those.
[We’d better recall the Perseverance Rover from Mars while we’re at it; it got there on false pretenses] Please look into Galileo and Copernicus and Kepler too.
I am sure those fellows profited, directly or indirectly, from something evil done somewhere sometime by someone to someone.
More seriously, if you want to punish everybody – and their descendants – who profited from the horrendous Atlantic Slave Trade, or more generally from slavery, then you’d better tear down most of Bristol and Liverpool and Manchester, and a great deal of London.
Indeed, the whole of the UK should pay a head tax of, let’s see, of something like 15,000 pounds, no, make that 25,000. Man, woman, child, trans, in-between, poly, undecided, you name it – everybody.
I apologize for using the term “woman” – I have been just informed that “women” don’t exist.
The existence of “women” is deeply offensive, as JK Rowling discovered when she defended the existence of “women” and of “biological sex.”
“Pregnant person” in fact is the correct terminology if something untoward has happened to someone of indeterminate gender and undefined sex.
If you abolish “woman” then I suppose “man” must be next – but, no, he’s already been done in.
But I digress.
In fact, as far as profiting from slavery goes, I would imagine you should eliminate every building, monument, institution, and cultural entity, and many private houses, in the UK and Ireland and France, and Spain and Portugal, and so on.
And, while you are at it, you’d better destroy everything that had anything to do with Ancient Rome or Ancient Greece or the Ottoman Empire since those societies were built on or practiced slavery on a very large scale.
Socrates, Plato, Aristotle – be gone!
Burn the books!
And Africa, too, let’s not forget Africa!
Since many tribes and kingdoms in Africa, both East Africa and West Africa, captured people and reduced them to slavery and sold them either on the east coast of Africa, to Arab merchants, or on the west coast of Africa, to Europeans, you had better confiscate much of the inherited wealth of many of the countries of Africa and tear down the buildings there, too, whether built by colonial powers or by Africans themselves.
The whites, in particular, and the Arabs, mostly, did not go deep into Africa to capture slaves themselves; they huddled close to the coast and traded with Africans who captured the slaves and brought them to the coast, often becoming extremely rich in the process.
The Africans also kept lots of slaves for themselves. Hush! Hush! Top Secret! Let’s not tell anybody!
And in China, various forms of slavery have been practiced throughout history
So, let’s tear down the Great Wall, and whatever else we can lay our hands on.
So, keep going, Good Physics People, if you work hard enough many well-meaning folk, white, black, and of all colors, who retain a modicum of what used to be called common sense, will end up voting for the ghost of Enoch Powell and the horror show that is known as Donald Trump.
Bravo Promoters of Fascism, Maoism, Stalinism, and Pol Pot-ism!
Campaigns for absolute ethical purity and for show trials almost always end in the same place – the Gulag or something like it. Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose.
The vengeful short-sighted self-righteous spirit of revolution lives on.
And, of course, it always ends well.
Perhaps abolishing universities, endowments, and fellowships would be a good place to start.
In fact, now that I think of it …
Your humble servant,